A Day in the Life Of:
by DarkShadowFlame
Summary: Follow everyone's favorite Pharaoh through his day. See his hopes, his dreams... but more often than not, watch him make a fool of himself!


A Day in the Life of Yami ****

Disclaimer: I'm only going to write this once! This applies for the rest of the chapters as well as this one: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I'm not even going to _start_ on all the things that would be going on if I owned it, but I wouldn't have to write this fic. Cause the characters would be doing it! Much against their will, of course, but that's the fun part.

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Summary: Well, duh. I think the title says it all. ~_^ The fic will take you through Yami's day as if you were him. Only because it's easier to write that way. o.O And this chapter is Yami, though the POV will change. But it'll be the same day, which makes writing it damn hard. Be happy that it's easy to read! ::smile::

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A/N: Um, let's see… only jokes of pairings, no real couples. No yaoi… yet… (not really, anyway) much as I adore it. ^_^ No serious character bashing, but there will definitely be exaggerations of their traits and making fun of them… hehe. Bear in mind that I don't really dislike anyone from the show (except possibly Seto Kaiba, but hey! This is my fanfiction. He doesn't have to be a jerk if I don't want him to be.) 

So this will be a chapter thing… this chapter, of course, is Yami, and the next one out should be Seto Kaiba. If there are any characters you want me to write sooner rather than later, tell me in a REVIEW! As you might be able to tell, I love REVIEWS! They're inspiring and good for the ego so REVIEW! ^_^()

Oh, another thing. God, this author's note is long and annoying. I'm putting the Yami's and hikari's in different bodies. Why? Because it's easy and more fun and I WANT TO. -_-

Yugi Moto = Yugi

Yami Yugi = Yami

Ryou Bakura = Ryou

Yami Bakura = Bakura

Marik Ishtar = Malik

Yami Malik = Marik

Ishizu Ishtar = Isis (Don't ask. I like 'Isis' better)
    
    
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7:00 am - Wake up! You get up very early- you've perfected being very dramatic even in the wee hours of the morning. Shake your hikari awake ("Is the house on fire, Yami?") and then beat him to the shower.

7:15 am – Done with your shower. This isn't the important part. The important part: deciding what to wear.

7:55 am – You've picked out the perfect outfit! Now to actually get dressed…

7:56 am – Start snapping the many buckles and start zipping the many zippers on your snappy outfit.

8:00 am – That was easy! Start on your hair. This will take you a good 90 minutes and a good 2 bottles of hair gel. Yugi's hair gel, of course. Good thing he's a lot faster than you and already out of the house.

9:30 am – Wow, you look good. Time to go out and face the world! Part of which you used to rule, don't forget. You should really put that on List of Things to Do: _Reclaim title as Pharaoh of Egypt_.

9:35 am – You spend the next hour running away from Seto Kaiba. He's chasing you down the streets, screaming like a maniac: "Yami! I challenge you to a duel! Sixty-seventh time's the charm!"

10:35 am – You spend the next hour chasing after Marik. You're running after him up the streets, screaming like a maniac: "Hey Marik! Don't you want to challenge me to a duel? Maybe this time you'll actually win! I heard sixty-seventh time's the charm!"

11:35 am – You spend the next five minutes listening to a lecture from Téa on why you shouldn't chase people. You tell her to go talk to Kaiba.

11:40 am – You go dueling and kick everyone's ass. You're the King of Games, after all.

12:30 pm – You go to Joey's house. Even _he_ should be up by now.

12:35 pm – He's not up. But his little sister Serenity is. And apparently Tristan and Duke have been there the last half-hour. Poor Serenity.

12:40 pm – Joey wakes up and throws Tristan and Duke out. Then, on second thought, he walks out with them- lunchtime! But… hehe. He left you alone with Serenity. Apparently he forgot what a lady's man you are.

12:40:15 pm – Apparently so did Serenity. You rub your sore behind and follow Joey and Tristan and Duke to Burger World.

12:55 pm – After Joey has eaten 4 burgers, a hot dog, two turkey sandwiches and three boxes of French Fries, and Tristan has eaten 5 burgers, a turkey sandwich and two and a half boxes of French Fries, you and Duke are feeling slightly sick. You've eaten a burger and split a box of French Fries with Tristan. Just in case anyone out there has a slight obsession with this super-hot King of Games and takes notes on this kind of stuff.

1:00 pm – Aaaah! The baka tomb robber and his hikari and- _your_ hikari!?! What's he doing with Bakura? - are walking outside. Run out and exchange death threats with Bakura. End by blowing him a raspberry. [1]

1:01 pm – Yugi and Ryou are giving you and Bakura disapproving looks. They ask something along the lines of "Why can't you be friends?" After you stop Bakura from sending Yugi to the Shadow Realm, you smugly reply that you don't have to be friends with him, he's your "loyal servant".

1:02 pm – Now you have to stop Bakura from sending _you_ to the Shadow Realm. Ha. No problem. You're the Pharaoh, not to mention King of Games, holder of the Millennium Puzzle, kicker of ass, and all-around stud.

1:05 pm – You decide to go the museum! Maybe Isis Ishtar will be there… you like her. She was the first person to inform you that you were even more important than you thought you were- the Pharaoh!

1:15 pm – At first Isis greets you with the standard "My Pharaoh." But after you insist she bow down to you, she angrily tells you there is a banana cream pie [2] in your future. You wonder what the Ra she means by that.

1:30 pm – You walk out of the museum and come face-to-face with Ryou and Yugi, who seem to be trying to tell you something important. You brush them off; you're the pharaoh. Plus, you have to be on the lookout for that banana cream pie.

1:31 pm – Oh. There it is. Apparently Bakura, that insane tomb robber, was hiding in the bushes and dropped it on your head. Maybe you should have listened to the hikaris after all.

1:32 pm – You head back into the museum to tell Isis off. She should have warned you where that was coming from. You could have stopped that horrible, low sneak attack!

1:33 pm – Of course, she knew you were coming. That's why she left. The nerve of some crazy Millennium Item holders. Ever notice that they're all crazy? Pegasus… he was just a nut job. Bakura- enough said right there. Marik- do you even have to start? Isis… not going to go into that. "There is a banana cream pie in your future…" Shadi- oh, you have fond memories of him. He was the baka who went wandering around in _your_ mind and almost got himself killed. Teach you to mess with the almighty Pharaoh! And you don't include yourself in this "crazy Millennium Item holders" categoryn, just in case any slightly more realistic readers are wondering.

1:34 pm – You go back outside to find Bakura laughing hysterically. Yugi and Ryou have fled the scene. Smart hikaris. You don't want them to see what comes next.

1:35 pm – You send Bakura to the Shadow Realm. Technically, you're not supposed to do that unless you beat him in a duel, but why waste time? You'll win.

1:36 pm – You don't know how Yugi and Ryou do that, but they emerge from behind the building and demand that you bring Ryou's Yami back. You very reasonably ask why Ryou wants him back.

1:37 pm – Wow. You have never before held such respect for the hikaris. Who knew they could be so scary when enraged? Bakura is sitting on the ground, rubbing his head, a little dizzy from his two-way trip. You decide you can still make a dramatic exit and start to flounce out, but the weight of the jewelry finally gets the better of you and you fall to the ground. Right on Bakura's lap.

1:38 pm – Bakura thinks you were hitting on him? Gross, gross, gross! You sent him to the Shadow Realm to teach him a lesson.

1:39 pm – Seeing the looks on Ryou and Yugi's face, you quickly bring the baka back. This time, your exit is sufficiently grand.

1:45 pm – You're back in the center of town where you belong. And… awwww, how sweet? Is that Seto Kaiba, buying Mokuba an ice cream cone? You prance over.

1:46 pm – You still have whipped cream in your hair, don't you? Why else would Kaiba be laughing so hard? Now you're _really_ mad at Isis.

1:47 pm – Mokuba insists on buying you an ice cream cone. Or rather, making Seto buy you an ice cream cone. You've never really tasted ice cream before, but Yugi seems to like it. You accept, and Mokuba picks out a flavor for you while you blot your beautiful, spiked hair with napkins. Most of it comes out, but there are still white streaks. You don't mind- it actually looks good.

1:50 pm – ICE CREAM GOOD! ICE CREAM GOOD! ICE CREAM GOOD!

2:00 pm – "Seto, you can let me go. No, I'm not going to run around. Yes, the ice cream is out of my system. No, I won't wreck anything. No, I won't attack the ice cream."

2:01 pm – "_You incompetent priest! Let me go or I swear by Ra I'll send you to the Shadow Realm!"_

2:02 pm – Well, he deserved it. But Mokuba seems to actually care that his brother is gone. Darn his cuteness! You bring Seto back.

2:03 pm – He challenges you to a duel. How did you know this was going to happen? You accept, determined to prove that sixth-seventh time really isn't the charm.

2:10 pm – You're about to win. Next move, it's all over.

2:11 pm – "Kaiba. You can't jump off a roof. We're dueling in the street. I'm going to win. Get over it."

2:12 pm – "Kaiba, I doubt falling down the sewer is fatal. Humiliating, yes, but that's all the more incentive to attack."

2:13 pm – "Yes, I won. Get over it! Oh… right… Téa told me what to say in a situation like this. Oh yes! I hope we can possibly be friends, if you would yank that stick out of your ass and start kissing mine."

2:14 pm – You blame Yugi for picking psychic friends. Why did Téa have to show up at that precise second? You had to actually offer a real hand of friendship to Kaiba. Good thing he's so arrogant and would never accept.

2:15 pm – Kaiba's lying! But no matter how many times you explain this to Téa, she doesn't believe you. She's _too_ good a person. Kaiba doesn't really want to be friends. He's using this to manipulate you somehow. Your suspicions are only reinforced by the evil "I'm going to manipulate you!" smirk on his face.

2:16 pm – Téa kicked Kaiba halfway down the street. Hey, she's smarter than she looks. Of course, even if she missed the "I'm going to manipulate you!" look, you're pretty sure she had to have heard him muttering "Stupid emotional female and baka Pharaoh," under his breath. Téa shouts "Friends don't insult friends!" and storms away.

2:17 pm – Joey and Tristan and Duke come strolling up. "Ice cream!" Joey says happily. Here we go again.

2:20 pm – THANKS FOR THE ICE CREAM JOEY! ICE CREAM GOOD!

2:27 pm – "What do you mean, you'll have to take my name? I am your pharaoh, you insolent peasant!"

2:28 pm – "Drunk? I've never heard of getting drunk. Is that what happens when you eat too much ice cream?"

2:29 pm – Joey and Tristan explain to the cops that you're schizophrenic, and please excuse your medical condition, and drag you away.

2:30 pm – You ask them what "schizophrenia" is.

2:31 pm – "Of course I'm schizophrenic! What is Yugi, chopped liver?"

2:32 pm – Joey: "Liver! I'm hungry!"

2:35 pm – You and the guys split up. You head down an alley when a masked man jumps out and demands that you give him the Millennium Puzzle. You sigh and pull out your handy list. He reads it over, sighs in resignation, and signs his name at the bottom, right under "Marik Ishtar." You knew carrying your "Waiting List for Stealing the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle and Getting His Power" list with you was a good idea. Actually, maybe you better go find those people now, the list is starting to get long.

2:45 pm – You find Bakura, the first person on the list, wandering the streets, sending people to the Shadow Realm and laughing hysterically. He challenges you to a verbal duel instead.

2:50 pm – Your mouth is dry and you're running out of insults. Of course, the more you have to search, the angrier Bakura becomes. "Pansy pink-toed ballerina!" got him particularly mad.

2:53 pm – You and Bakura call it a stalemate and go off in search of water.

2:57 pm – You idly wonder if hanging around with a Tomb Robber is a bad influence on you. You idly wonder this while sprinting from the grocery store you just robbed. But you and Bakura got away with lots of cool bottles of water!

3:05 pm – You and Bakura decide to go to the park to drink. Apparently, it wasn't only water Bakura stole. You don't know what 'vodka' is, but Bakura reassures you it'll be fun.

3:20 pm – By now you've stripped down to your boxers and are running around screaming. Some people are covering their eye, but most are staring. You don't really notice. You don't notice anything. And Bakura's just as drunk as you are.

3:21 pm – It's that same cop! Hey, buddy, _now_ I'm drunk! Heeheeheehee!

3:22 pm – Bakura sent the cop to the Shadow Realm! Way to go, dude, you got him with the Man Eater Bug… hehe… oh, I feel sick.

3:30 pm – Slightly more sober. Ryou and Yugi found you and Bakura and were… well, horrified would be an understatement. They made you and Bakura take a dunk in the lake, which seemed to wake you up. And then you had to get dressed.

3:32 pm – You yell at Bakura for a few minutes. You blame him for getting you drunk. He doesn't really care.

3:35 pm – You vow to seal Bakura in the Millennium Ring for a few _more_ millennia. He vows to steal your puzzle, rob your tomb, and send you to the Shadow Realm. Satisfied, the two of you stomp away in different directions.

3:40 pm – You see Mai Valentine, talking with Joey. You head over, completely oblivious to the fact that Joey was perfectly fine alone. You do, however, wonder at the dirty looks he's giving you.

3:41 pm – You and Mai exchange friendly promises to beat each other next time you duel. You vaguely wonder if that's possible. A stalemate? It's never happened to you. [3] Maybe you should check on that, a good duel king should have experienced every end possible. Of course, the King of Games shouldn't settle for a mere _tie_, either. Well, whatever.

3:45 pm – You find a bully to duel. Beat them and send them to the Shadow Realm.

4:15 pm – You find a person who has some, ahem, "issues." You duel them, beat them, and show them a good life lesson in the process.

4:45 pm – You find someone with a demonic plan to take over the world. You duel them, beat them, and save the world.

5:15 pm – You find a really good friend who you'll be really sad to duel. You duel him anyway, beat him, and hold him while the two of you cry.

5:45 pm – You duel a real jerk, just to prove you're cool.

6:20 pm – You reflect for a few minutes on how, just once, you'd like to duel a perfectly sane, nice stranger who's not trying to kill you, kidnap your friends, or take over the world.

6:30 pm – You find a perfectly sane, nice stranger who's not trying to kill you. As far as you know, he hasn't kidnapped any of your friends (but you'll be glad to give him Bakura), and he just doesn't look the type to take over the world. You two decide to duel.

6:45 pm – He was a washout! Add "good" to that list of duelist traits you want to find.

6:50 pm – After five minutes of meditating, you decide that the only sane, nice, non-dictatorial (and mega-hot!) good duelist is yourself. Normally, it wouldn't be possible to duel yourself, but you actually have two personalities. Lucky you.

7:00 pm – In a euphoria, you find Yugi to ask him to duel with you. Very gently, he reminds you that you can read each other's minds [4]. Crushed, you decide to just eat dinner. Order-out pizza. There are some modern conveniences that make the whole leaving-5000-year-old-Egypt fun.

7:25 pm – The pizza's here! You wonder why Yugi ordered six larges.

7:30 pm – Oh, that's right. Everyone's coming over for dinner. Joey and Tristan each get a pizza and a half, and the rest of you sane people share the remaining three.

8:00 pm – You can actually see the weight Joey and Tristan gained by eating the pizzas. You swear, they're remarkable fatter than before. As a matter of fact… they look like they're swelling.

8:01 pm – They are! Everyone has noticed by now! Joey and Tristan look pretty scared.

8:02 pm – Hahaha, oh, that's funny, why is everyone laughing, it's horrible, the poor guys, hahaha.

8:05 pm – Ryou is scary when he's mad. Haven't you already made that observation? Apparently, Bakura hadn't. Or he wouldn't have used Just Desserts on Joey and Tristan. Now that they're back, they think it's funny. So do you. But that doesn't stop you from lecturing Bakura in a very self-righteous voice.

8:10 pm – Everyone is just lying around watching TV or looking at cards. You're sitting in a big, squishy chair, staring mindlessly at the TV, ignoring people when they talk to you because that would mean expending effort, observing how lazy they all are.

10:31 pm – Why does everyone always fall asleep in the Game Shop? It's not like they don't have their own homes to go to! I guess it's all that stuffing themselves. You're not sleepy at all. You have ::yawn:: self-control. And you don't ::yawn:: have to go to sleep, even though you woke up early this morning. And… ::yawn:: this big… soft chair… isn't making you tired…

10:32 - ::snore::

[1] Um… that isn't as sick and twisted as it sounds. For those of you out there that are normal and have never heard of blowing a raspberry, it's sticking your tongue out at someone and making this really weird noise… I just realized, I have no idea how to describe it. Basically, it's the kind of thing little kids do to each other in very immature moments. ^_^

[2] Is there even such a thing? Sounds like there would be… Ah, well, it's a very old joke between my beta and me. Except I think it might have been "Banana ice-cream pie". Anyway, it was appropriately random enough for this fic!

[3] It hasn't happened to Yami, right? Is there a technicality somewhere I'm missing? (I don't care about his duel with possessed Joey!) Or is there some episode in the future where it happens? Meh, people, just go with the flow. ~_^

[4] Mind shuffle… um, just pretend they can't do it in separate bodies. But they still have the link. Or whatever! I just didn't feel like having Yami duel.

So… do you like this? Want me to write more? You know the drill. A lovely thing that makes the world go 'round: A REVIEW! As far as flames are concerned, if you really have that sad a life, go right ahead. Just please actually tell me why you're flaming. And spell-check it! We want nice, professional flames. ^_^

And you might want to check out my **Mastercard** fic: just a suggestion, but it's along the same lines as this, so if you liked it…

Cheers!

~DarkShadowFlame


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